randomness

[Anonymous]

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

[Anonymous]

beer...

EDIT - hiccups

Sleep....

[Anonymous]

I am watching texas poker on the Travel Channel. Now let's get in on the action:

Johnny gots a ace queen.......Devil Fish calls $10,000 with a 5 and 4..........Phil calls $10,000 with a Jack and 9........flop is 9, 2, 2..........johnny goes all in with $159,000..........devil fish folds........phil folds............johnny wins pot.....    :<

[Ketamininja]

Damn!

That Devil Fish gets everywhere.

[Anonymous]

i heart texas hold 'em

[Anonymous]

I <3 pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain,

[Anonymous]

Monkeys learn sign language so they can tell dolphins they love them.

[Anonymous]

What kind od randomnisisisisisisy stuff?

[Anonymous]

randomness is fun

[Manic Velocity]

I'm having chicken soup and Bawls for breakfast, and I have a mosquito bite on my back.

[Anonymous]

http://www.wimp.com/mockery/

[Anonymous]

lol sharp i've seen those before, they're great

[Styan]

lol...  bookmarked!

[Anonymous]

my friend decided to write me a poem. i think he was drunk at the time. and yes, his nickname for me is fluffy or fluffers, and he will go to hell for it. so here goes:

Ode to Fluffers

Over the lips
Around the Tongue
Look out stomach
Here it comes....





......Damn Hairball.......

[Ketamininja]

This is dedicated to every man who ever attempted to get into a regular
workout routine.  A must read!


Dear Diary...

For my 28th birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the Virgin Active for me.  Although I am still in great
shape since playing on my high school rugby team, I decided it would be a
good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and made my
reservations with a personal trainer I'll call Cindy, who identified herself
as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and
swim wear.  My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.  The
club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Cindy waiting for me.
She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!  Cindy gave me a tour and showed me the
machines.  She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill.  She was
alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to
her in her Lycra aerobic outfit.

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
class after my workout today.  Very inspiring.  Cindy was encouraging as I
did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the
whole time she was around.  This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!



Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Cindy
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put
weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
the full mile.

Cindy's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.  Feel GREAT!!  It's a whole
new life for me.



Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.  I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.  Cindy was impatient with
me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  Her voice is a
little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this
nasally whine that is VERY annoying.  My chest hurt when I got on the
treadmill, so Cindy put me on the stair monster.  Why the hell would anyone
invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Cindy told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  She said some
other rubbish too.




Thursday:

Cindy was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half
an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Cindy took me to work out with dumbbells.  When she was not looking, I ran
and hid in the men's room.  She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment,
she put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.



Friday:

I hate that bitch Cindy more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anaemic little
cheerleader.

If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would
beat her with it.  Cindy wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any
triceps!  And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich (which I am sure you
learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude
from).  The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or
the choir director?



Saturday:

Cindy left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing her made me want to
smash the machine with my planner.  However, I lacked the strength to even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.



Sunday:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my wife
(the B***H)

will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or vasectomy.