Dating Advice

[Anonymous]

Alright I need advice... which normally on this subject I don't but I'm a bit confused atm and don't know how to read my current situation. Keep in mind I might be overthinking the whole thing I do that sometimes... please tell me if I am. ok here's the deal...

The other night I had a date with one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever had a date with... which naturally had me really siked. So long story short the date went really really really well... at least i think it did. We had dinner at a Thai resturaunt, the food was excellent and we must of spent like 2 hours just sitting talking over dinner... which for me on a date is a very long time. We seem to get along great and we talked about going on at least 2 more dates... one to a sushi place she likes and the other to a concert. She kept mentioning how much of a good time she had. Now the only mistake I think I made on the date is I didn't go for the goodnight kiss. To me it felt like it might of been awkward because she was driving and dropping me off so we were sitting in her car in front of my apartment complex. I tried to invite her up for a cup of tea so the whole goodbye scenario would of been less cramped and less awkward to kiss her goodbye. Unfortunately she didn't accept because she was tired from a long day at work and wanted to go home to get some sleep. Now that I think back on it I really think I should of gone for the kiss.

Now this is the situation now. It's been a few days and I've tried to get in touch with her to maybe set up another date or just talk. I've called and left a message... no call back. Time goes by... next day... I see her online... I send her an IM saying hello... No response... away message goes up 4-5 mins later. I don't want to jump to conclusions... but I really hope she's not avoiding me. I really don't mind rejection at all... it just bugs me when I'm avoided or rejected without any form of explanation.

Now I dunno if I'm just being nervous... or if I completely misread the date... or if she was just being insanly polite and kind of leading me on. I just don't know... and thats why I'm asking for advice/opinions. If you want any more detail on the situation or anything let me know.

[Heironymus]

give it a day or so.. sometimes shit comes up and people get busy with other things.. especially since this is after a first date.. so she is not used to thinking about you.. so a voicemail could have gone forgotten a little after she listened.. and well.. AIM is never reliable.. sometimes people are about to go somewhere or just need one quick question from someone.. give it another try.. wait till tomorrow around midday and just call.. leave a message or something saying.. something like.. yeah... you got me all excited about sushi and haven't followed through yet.. something overly cheesy.. sticks in peoples minds.. (but then again, I have been dating the same girl for just over two years now.. so maybe first date advice isn't my speciality anymore )

[Anonymous]

Small problem though... sat-sun she's working and won't be around... and monday i think she's goin to florida for the week. So I'm kinda stuck until she gets back. I guess my only option is to wait... bah...

[Eroz]

I'm always a fan of the mutual friend. Ask a mutual friend (it should normally be a female friend) what she thought of the date, and if there is any reason why you think you haven't gotten anything back yet.


OT: Heironymus, "Belated Holiday"? The Winter-een-mas season just started, it shoudl be happy holiday.

[Anonymous]

I'm always a fan of the mutual friend. Ask a mutual friend (it should normally be a female friend) what she thought of the date, and if there is any reason why you think you haven't gotten anything back yet.


OT: Heironymus, "Belated Holiday"? The Winter-een-mas season just started, it shoudl be happy holiday.

Bit of a problem with that... I don't know any of here friends except one guy whom i barely know... I met her at school sorta kinda through a friend of mine who knows her but doesn't talk to her all that often. So I had him introduce me and it gave me an excuse to say hi and start talking to her. Before this date I barely knew her.

[Heironymus]

OT: Heironymus, "Belated Holiday"? The Winter-een-mas season just started, it shoudl be happy holiday.

Sorry Eroz... I made that in approximatley two minutes because Lithium and Tbone rejected my last sig/animated gif.. which was totally kung-fu related.. but.. eh.. what can you do when the man tries to bring ya down.. so.. I made a overly sexy one.. good thing I didn't go much further down on Ember or it would have been a very happy belated holidays for any thread I posted in and definatly NWS

[Tbone]

Oddly enough, I am having a very similar problem. Met a girl at a party, got her number, went on a date - I actually got a small goodnight kiss at the end, and talked on the phone afterwards about what a good time we had, but the girl was finishing up a tour and doesn't live in town. Anyway, we planned to go out again in a month when we're both in town for auditions, so I figured I'd keep in touch. She seemed to be ignoring me online and on facebook, so I wasn't sure what was going on.

Mutual friend does help. A friend told me that she was in an odd limbo state right now with an ex. I was confused too, though, because I figured she'd at least keep in touch. Finally last night she replied on facebook about how busy she's been and how she's finally settled down, but I still have no clue if she's been thinking about me like I've been thinking about her.

My advice is to pursue it until you get a clear sign. Try to have another date and see if things feel different this time. If you can't get a date, eventually you'll get the hint that she doesn't want to go out. Don't give up based on an assumption, though!

[Anonymous]

Before I say anything Venlar, I have to say when I saw the words "dating advice" and Tbone's name as a post I panicked.  But, all is okay.

So maybe she just wants a friend?  Not every date is going to end in marriage... I would never worry about people going AFK on AIM, that could just be bad timing.  You said she's tired from work, working weekends etc.  When I work long hours I don't feel like doing shit when the day's over, not even calling family let alone friends.  Maybe she's just wiped?

[Anonymous]

Before I say anything Venlar, I have to say when I saw the words "dating advice" and Tbone's name as a post I panicked.

ha!  i'll keep my mouth shut.

venlar i'd call her again.  screw waiting for her to come back from vacation.  sometimes shit happens, but it always seems to happen at the same time.  then again, people in relationships who feel that they have the upperhand will take control of the situation and fuck with you.  this is just what i've learned by experience.  unless two people feel exactly the same about each other, one person is always going to pursue the other more.
and the thing with AIM i have noticed is that there seems to be a delay with logging off and going away.  it could just be a timing issue.

[Sared]

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

If she was just leading you along, or if she immedeatly lost interest, then don't set yourself up in a position where you'll be toppled over.

[Lits]

Truth #1: Girls sometimes lie.
Truth #2: Girls do sometimes get very busy
Truth #3: Wait... since when did Tbone go on dates?

Don't give up on her just yet, give it until a few days after she's supposed to get back from Florida. If she still doesn't return your calls/IM's... then you can throw in the towel.

[Tbone]

Whoa, what's up with all the jealousy in this thread. Lits, calm down, I'm coming into town in a week, so maybe you'll get some attention then =P ...and you of all people should know I give good advice!

[Pirus]

well, I suggest you keep trying.  Of course not every 10 mins naturally lol that may be a bit much.  Also, from my experience I dont like to talk about future dates atleast not blatantly.  They tend to think "omg he is planning out the rest of our lives already I've got to get out of here."  But subtile ways are possible.  But, I have had a similar thing happen to where the girl was ignoring me for about 2 weeks and I figured ok well its time to move on right.   well come to find out she had been really busy for that time and really had no time to talk and she was wondering why I hadn't come over.  Here I thought she was avoiding me trying to tell me something that wasn't there.  So, when you really like someone youre mind tends to play tricks on you telling you thinks you don't want to feel or think.  You could be reading too much into this but then again you might not be just wait it out but keep your guard up.  We dont want to see you get hurt over this.

[Anonymous]

Well... at this point I'm just gonna wait it out see what happens... Like I said before I really don't mind rejection cause in the end I really don't lose anything and at least I gave it a try... I just don't like lack of explainations I feel like that an explaination even a simple one like just a verbal acknowledgement that she's not interested if the least they can due... I hate being in the dark =p

[Tbone]

I hear you. I called the girl today. It went to her voice mail. In my head I saw her looking at her phone and silencing the ring and continuing with whatever she was doing. Anyway, I left a cute little voice mail about wishing her father happy birthday (I told her I'd call her on her father's birthday so she could wish him happy bday for me...not sure why, but I wrote it down so I'd remember it). Ball's in her court now. If I never hear back, I can only assume I'm getting the cold shoulder.