http://www.dailyprobe.comIf you look through my random posts, this is where I get my amusing news.
Like the death of Pac-Man!
Tarzana, Calif. (DPI) - Otto Burger, better known to the world as video game pioneer Pac Man, was found dead in his lavish California condominium last Thursday by his landlord. An autopsy report revealed the cause of death to be extreme starvation brought on by anorexia nervosa.
His personal physician, Dr. Mario Tortini, said he had been diagnosed with anorexia six months ago because of a lifetime of eating for a living. "It was too much for him," Dr. Tortini said. "He said he would wake up every morning and look in the mirror and hate the giant fat head that was looking back at him."
Medical records show Man had also struggled with drug addiction following the wild success of his first self-titled game in the early '80s with "power pills," which doctors said are a form of steroids commonly used to give patients with weaker immune systems short bouts of strength.
In order to overcome his addiction, he threw himself into his work, according to Atari founder Nolan Bushnell. "He quit cold turkey," Bushnell said. "He replaced his need to work with his need for drugs. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to do that, but he did it."
It took him another four years and five titles later to overcome his addiction, but his constant eating took a toll on his body and his mental well-being, his son Otto Burger Jr., AKA Jr. Pac Man, said.
"He put on a lot of weight during that time, he certainly didn't look like the same person," Burger said. "His job required it, but he never blamed the industry to making him addicted. I feel a little differently about that, but he loved his work so much that it never occurred to him what kind of a toll it was having on his physical well-being."
Man will be buried in a private ceremony on Monday with only family and friends in attendees. Pallbearers include friends and co-workers Pinky, Blinky, Inky and Clyde.
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FDA New Stratified "Black Box" Warnings Include "Works, But May Kill You," "Sucks and Will Kill You" WASHINGTON (DPI) - In response to recent high-profile drug trials, the Food and Drug Administration will issue different levels of their controversial "Black Box" warnings for pharmaceutical offerings with high instances of dangerous and/or life-threatening side effects. Beginning the first of the year, high-risk drugs will carry one of more of the following warnings:
WARNING: This product works, but it may kill you. It is the most effective drug for your condition, so you can have a long miserable life of suffering without it, or a short, happy life ending in quick and violent death with it -- your call, chief!
WARNING: This product works a lot of the time, but it has a really good chance of fucking you up for life. It is the ONLY effective medicine available for your condition, so you can die painfully without it, or run the risk of dying looking like an S&M party pecker pinata with it.
WARNING: This product sucks and will kill you, but too many patients ask for it because of those ads with the pretty thirtysomething blonde MILF running through a field of tall green grass to her picnic with butterfiles and chipmunks and multi-ethnic group of similarly attractive friends for us to pull it off the market.
WARNING: The FDA inspector general holds an uncomfortably large amount of stock in this product's manufacturer.
Veterans Day
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